Don’t fear the Electoral Reaper in the 2026 midterms – the GOP just needs to be prepared to give it more cowbell. Look, we’ve been told again and again and again that we will certainly lose the House, but those are the same experts who told us we couldn’t close the border without throwing it wide open, that peace in the Middle East was impossible without surrendering to 7th-century savages, and that some women have a penis. What they don’t know would fill volumes. Stop listening to them. We’re looking good in 2026. We just need more cowbell.
For the folks in the slow seats, “cowbell” means hard work. The bad guys are on the back foot, but they are as energized as 80-year-old boomers can be, so we need to outwork them.
In the House, we’re not looking perfect, but we are looking strong. The moving parts are moving in our direction. It can certainly go bad. The historical trends are doubtless against us, though in 2002, George W. Bush managed to add seats in a first-term midterm. Of course, this isn’t a first term for Donald Trump. Depending on who you ask, it’s the second or third. But he’s broken all the rules before, and there’s no reason why those old rules must apply here. As Laurence of Arabia memorably proclaimed, “Nothing is written.”
It’s on us to win this thing, and we can.
Gerrymandering is going to help. The proper position on gerrymandering is to be actively in favor of it. After all, the designation of legislative districts is a quintessential political act, so no one should demand that legislatures shouldn’t act politically to create those districts. When you act politically, you should act to advantage your own side. There’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, the real problem is when legislators fail to act in their constituents’ interests.
That’s why I have no problem morally with my governor, Gavin Hairstyle, deciding to change all the rules that they had previously exploited to different rules that they can now exploit even more to utterly shaft the remaining Republican remnant in the golden-brown state. Aesthetically, I find his fake babbling about how disenfranchising Republicans is necessary to protect Our Democracy – geez, weasel, have the cajones to admit you’re just trying to win. Politically, I don’t like it. I don’t like anything that helps my opponents. But I’m not going to cry about it like a little sissy or a Democrat, to the extent those are different (sissies remain a vital component of the Democrat coalition).
Gerrymandering is just a thing. And was also just a thing when New York and Illinois did it to us. And it’s just going to be a thing when Texas does it to them, and when North Carolina, Missouri, Kansas, Indiana, and Florida do it to them. The difference is we’re not going to whine about how democracy is dead and how we don’t like kings and otherwise shred our dignity as we shred our garments, mourning lost seats.
The gerrymandering war will be won by the Republicans, and we will get several more seats out of it, which will help. But wait. Just the other day, the Voting Rights Act went before the Supreme Court. If that goes down, say goodbye to all the specially carved-out Black Democrat districts that litter the South, because the Democrats’ version of the Voting Rights Act requires states to create Black Democrat voting districts. There may be up to 20 of them, and they seem likely to go “Poof!” States like Louisiana and Georgia can then get in on the gerrymandering act and get rid of these moral and constitutional abominations, creating instead safe, red districts. If this happens, the Democrats are completely screwed. Now, you’ll hear that this is the end of democracy because, apparently, democracy requires – and I’m checking my notes here – that there be districts designed to favor one race and also favor one specific political party. If that’s democracy, count me out. "Yes Kings," if it means we get legislative representation without regard to race.
Now, on to the politics. Forget the shutdown – now that Trump’s getting the troops paid, no one but deadbeat federal employees cares. The big issue in 2026 will be the economy. That’s really what will make the difference for both the House and the Senate. If the economy is good —and it is — we win. If you have a 401(k), things are already looking good. The elections are a little over a year away, but the other trends are positive. The economy could make or break the House majority, but even a major economic downturn is unlikely to shift power in the Senate, given the map and how they are flailing so far.
Yeah, I know, the Democrats are all very excited about their retread candidates, but it’s not going to work. They are going with stone losers. Here’s a non-comprehensive summary—we’ll get granular as the election season heats up, but you can already see the trends.
One trend is to go crusty. In Ohio, they’ve defrosted Sherrod Brown to run again. Brown, a Buckeye State Bolshevik who got punted from office by Bernie Moreno, is already losing union endorsements to the Republican senator, Jon Husted, who was appointed after JD Vance became our vice president. A Democrat in Ohio who can’t even get the union guys to support him? Once that was about as likely as J.B. Pritzker passing up a Danish, but it’s happening. I guess union guys hate pervs skeeving on their daughters in the locker rooms, too.
Then there’s the urge to try to elect left-wing loons. In the schizophrenic state of Maine, you’ve got an admitted communist, Graham Platner, who likes to sell himself as an outdoorsy fisherman guy – there’s nothing worse than hicklibs – taking on the ancient former governor, Janet Mills. Oh, he’s also an expert on how black people tip. And he's shocked to find the Nazi death’s head tattoo on his chest is a Nazi death’s head tattoo – hey, that could happen to anybody! He clearly thought it was a different kind of death’s head tattoo.
Well, let the Dems fight. It’s Young Pinko With Baggage v. Slightly Less Pinko Crusty. After one wins the nom, Susan Collins —the hardest-working retail politician in America and a moderate Republican perfectly suited for the Maple Syrup State —will punt the survivor through the goalposts of failure.
Down in Texas, there’s a three-way primary among the Republicans. Any of them will beat any of the Democrats. Colin Allred is Cory Booker in a Stetson, and that little weasel guy who looks like Pete Buttigieg, except he talks about church all the time, is not going anywhere, either. The best that can be said about them is that none is a furry like Beto.
In Georgia, we have a GOP free-for-all to go against Jon Ossoff. This is one of the Republican turnover opportunities, so we need to take this naturally GOP seat back from the Dems. But there is drama. Brian Kemp is promoting some guy who’s a college football coach in some other state. Why? That guy is going nowhere. We need to get serious—Representative Mike Collins, whom I had a chance to interview the other day on The Hugh Hewitt Show, seems like a smart guy. And, on the plus side, Marjorie Taylor Greene didn’t get in the race after Trump told her to butt out, something she is certain to blame on the Jews and their mind-control lasers.
In North Carolina, Michael Whatley is running to replace Thom Tillis. North Carolina is trending blue, and it looks good for us. Even if I didn’t know anything about Whatley, and I do know about Whatley – he was head of the RNC when it became successful – I would support him. I would literally support either Barkey or Bitey over the lefty former governor the Dems will nominate; in fact, I’d support my dogs over Thom Tillis, too. That goof won’t be missed.
In Kentucky, the ridiculous Amy McGrath—picture a middle-aged Greta Thunberg who won’t stop tweeting lame Dem talking points— is running again. She wasted about $90 million last time trying to beat Cocaine Mitch, and let’s hope she does just as well this time. Several folks are running for the Republican nomination. David Cameron lost the governor’s race last time; that’s bad. Andy Barr is a McConnell clone (without the tactical savvy) who is softer than tofu; if you love amnesty, he’s your boy. Hopefully, they will nominate Nate Morris, who is hardcore, and he’ll clean her clock.
There are a bunch of other races up in the Northeast and the Midwest, and we might pull off an upset. The Democrats’ defense of those seats will suck in a lot of Democrat money to fend off a loss. To have any chance, they must win them all. The Republicans have the advantage because the best money is the money spent on offense.
So don’t worry. It’s over a year out, and so far, the numbers are in our favor. The correlation of forces is in our favor. History is not, but remember that history is only a suggestion, a hint, a possibility. It’s not determinative. We are not condemned to a House run by SeΓ±or Hakeem Jeffries or a Senate run by that guy who can’t even grill a burger. Think positive and give us more cowbell – that’s how we win.
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